Maybe that’s why I need you. You soothed my anxiety.
You made me feel so calm. The way you talk, the way you present yourself, your entire presence is just so welcoming. I had never been so relaxed with someone for a long time. The way you looked at me when you spoke to me is to melt for.
You know how to care of others. Your first reaction to my clumsiness is to ask if I was okay. My anxiety. My panic attack is nothing when I am with you.
Your existence cheered me up right away. Your smile. Your quirk. The way you copied my sentences. I don’t know.
I think I know what I have been looking for.
My anxiety is only getting worse over time, but I know I can coop up with it. I have been learning to love myself and accepting myself for who I am. It is just a human being human. No matter how strong a person is, they will always need someone to be there for them in times of need.
A partner who is also a best friend. A soulmate, perhaps. Someone who completely accepts you for who you are as a person. Being there for you when you need them the most. An open-minded person with enough patience to help you get through your worst moments.
Maybe that’s why I want you right now. My anxiety is working up again.
But, wait. Hold on there for a second. Listen.
The world is a chaotic mess right now. It is okay to feel vulnerable. It is okay to feel like you need somebody by your side, especially if you are miles away from your family and friends. During this self-isolation, it is convenient to just log on to Instagram and see people posting a story about how happy they are to be with their significant other. They do not have to be alone with their own thoughts. Though, there are pros and cons whether you are isolating alone or with another human being.
When you have enough free time to reflect on who you are, it can be either a good thing or the most horrendous situation and it all depends on how you approach this. I know you must have heard this thousands of times when it is like halfway through 2020, but I am going to say this again; Work on yourself. Learn how to be independent on your own. You create your own happiness and no one can come along and make you happy if you are unsatisfied with yourself. Happiness comes from within and there is no external factor that can provide you what you can’t give yourself. It is cliche, but it is true. Everyone has their own personal baggage, but the happy one knows how to deal with their own issues; their own mental problems. Nobody is responsible for others’ happiness and “you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness” (I was trying to link a video reference for this sentence, but they deleted that video; it was a really good explanation to why this is true; I’m confused why it is removed, too.) either. I’m not trying to tell you to be an ass, but I do want to convey that you should learn how to be happy on your own before jumping in a relationship and force another party to make you happy. Self-love is important and with all the excess free time you have right now, you should find your own peace of mind. Get a hobby, exercise, meditate, journal, cook, READ, do anything, something… Don’t let time pass when you are just sitting on a couch inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide.
However, don’t beat yourself up for not being productive either. Take a break when your brain signaling, “Hey, chill out man.” After all, you are only human, right?